“It would be a great horror to work for your cooperation” and other reasons why I am looking forward to summer vacation

Image via Microsoft

The sun is out, my skin color has gone from alabaster to a more earthly shade of light beige, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel…school is almost out!  With the end of the school year fast approaching, I holed myself up in my house this weekend for one last round of gradeapalooza, in which I finished grading my sophomores’ cover letters.  While I was completely wowed by most of the cover letters, and deeply proud of my students’ writing progress and professionalism, there were some laugh-out-loud hilarious typos, unfortunate grammatical mistakes, and flat-out pompous assertions.  The following flubs need no further introduction:

“Again I would just like to say thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I am looking forward to meeting with you one on one in person.  You can contact me through my email at [completely inappropriate e-mail address omitted] or my mobile phone which it is an almost guarantee I’ll answer…”

“On your website, you state that any and all of your employees must be self-motivated, mature, and extremely reliable.  Most people of my age are lethargic, lazy and not easily moved…”

“I have the opportunity to become a good leadership to the customers and hardworking employee at your established.”

“I believe that my working skills will approved to make your day happy as I am.”

“I experience when I used to shop in Abercrombie, I wasn’t feeling welcome when I try my best to ask an employee for help.  As for now, I can be hands-on and helping hands to the customers who need help and make the store clean and germ-free.”

“I organized the skills I needed for the day before I leave home and off to school ready to be the leader.”

“I never been stress before, I make sure I had enough sleep and eat my healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

“I have also worked to not get bored with people, so I will always have a smile on my face.”

“I am extremely well-known with just about every sport…”

“I definitely think I am honest as well, so I can guarantee you, that lying, stealing, or anything in that nature won’t be a problem with me!”

“Please put your hands in trust on me working as a waitress in your restaurant.”

“The qualifications and duties required to be a train operator are no big deal.”

“I also know whether something bad or good is afoot…”

“My communication skills are off the charts.”

“I’m exceedingly good at reading; I read when I have spear time and when I don’t.”

“Are you looking for a Cashier with:

  • 0-1 years of hands-on experience in Sales?”

“…as a volunteer at local nursing homes I have dealt with requests of elders which has taught me to make sure their need was fulfilled.  That I have done with no hesitance no matter how heinous the request.”

“I would relish the opportunity to show to you as well as the other employees just what it means to be a hard worker.”

“I welcome the chance to become part of the wind beneath your company’s wings and help lift it to new heights.”

“Pleas accept my enthusiastic application to work as a stuff member at [name omitted].  I would be horned to be apart of your staff at your establishment.

“There for I under stand how it would be a great horror to work for your cooperation.”

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